I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
