I'm eating all of the evidence.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
