How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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