still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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