We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
