all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
All the doctor said was why
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
