Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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