Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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