dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
