This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
