Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's just like the Real World with babies
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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