Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
