I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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