my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
