Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
