it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
