and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
