WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
