he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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