i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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