The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
