I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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