Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dignity is for republicans.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
