He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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