So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
