I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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