On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
