Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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