i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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