I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
