Michael Bay diarrhea
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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