OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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