are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
