Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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