I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
