so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
