So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
