FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
