Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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