I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
