I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Bring me that man meat
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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