so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
