dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
