pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
