i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
