New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
