Where is the hickey?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
being pregnant is like rehab
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
