I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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