i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
