woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
