Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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