I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
