well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just tell him i said nine months
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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