I think I died a long time ago.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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